College decision season is upon us! As a current senior who has finally concluded this chapter, I won’t sugarcoat it: the college application process is not for the weak. While there were many expected feelings like self-doubt, anxiety and hope, there were also many unexpected  grievances. Here were some of mine: 

• College Counselor Social Media Slop

Have you ever found yourself sitting through the twentieth consecutive college counselor TikTok, unable to scroll away because you’re scared they have that one golden nugget of information that will make or break your chances? I sure have! These social media counselors capitalize off your self-doubt and panic, each one contradicting the last with increasingly outrageous takes to get your attention. It is screaming “peaked in high school” when these people continue choosing to engage online with overanxious teenagers year after year “for fun.”

• Why Us Essays

Sometimes I swear these colleges sound like an insecure boyfriend asking “Would you stay with me if I was a worm?” It’s so weird that we have to profess our undying love for a school that already knows they are amazing, while pretending we are not cheating on them and courting a bunch of other schools simultaneously. And to add insult to injury, they often read your romantic soliloquies and then laugh in your face as they hand you the rejection letter. “We really regret to inform you…” is their pathetic version of “it’s not you, it’s me,” and we both know this overt show of contrition is the fakest thing ever. 

• CSU decision system

We all want to be unique in this world, but the CSUs have chosen the wrong way to do it. It is annoying enough that some schools, ahem UCs, don’t tell you the day portals update, but the CSUs don’t even release them all in one day! Why are we making students sit in agony as they watch wave after wave of decisions come out, knowing their chances of getting accepted shrink with each one that excludes them?! What’s the point of giving the admissions committee MONTHS to deliberate, if they can’t even properly inform students all at once?

Alright, alright, if I’ve done my job correctly, you probably are now dreading the application process even more than before. Don’t worry my friend, I will drop the fearmongering now. Here is my sappy reflection of all the unexpected joys I found amidst this difficult journey: 

• Reflection college essays 

Though I, too, dreaded the daunting task of summing up my personality, accomplishments and life story in the triggering word count prison, I ended up really enjoying the writing process. Writing your college essays is one of the few times in your life you really get to slow down and reflect on how far you have come. Not only that, it is a story that is entirely your own; a beautiful mosaic of all the raw and transformative experiences only you could have pieced together. As I poured my heart into my words, I found them winking back, reminding me of my inner strength, resilience and how proud “little me” would be to see me now. 

• “We’re all in this together!” 

There is nothing that brings together a group of teenagers like universal suffering. I cannot tell you the amount of times a classmate or friend had the same exact emotional, technical or decision-making college-app-related problem as me. I found my support circle unexpectedly expanding; acquaintances provided such deep, touching encouragement and people I never usually talked to became easy to forge common ground with. It felt as if there was an underlying thread tethering us, keeping us all from falling apart alone. 

• Watching your friends succeed

Staying in the same school district has granted me the opportunity to grow up alongside all my friends and classmates for many years. Watching how they have blossomed from being awkward, bumbling middle schoolers to seniors who are ready to leave their mark on the world fills me with a deep, bittersweet ache. One of my favorite parts of this process has been celebrating the people around me and getting the chance to tell them just how proud I am. I find myself really treasuring the gift it was to cross paths with them all.

As I graduate soon, I wanted to impart my own unsolicited advice: stop trying to do things because you think colleges will care, do it because you care. If you choose to do everything for you first and foremost, there is no college decision that can take away the exhilarating, rewarding joy of finishing something you really believed in. You will be building something inside you that thrives, regardless of how outside opinions try to knock it down. 

With that, I wish you all the best of luck when it comes time for you to apply. Never forget, as Toni Morrison wisely said, “you your best thing.”